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Words by Sarah McDonald
I have never claimed to be any sort of love guru, or try to force advice onto those who may be having relationship problems. But, I have had relationships of my own that, good or bad, have taught me a few things.
My last long term relationship lasted five years. And the entire time we were together, I felt like he was the one. I wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with him but as it turned out, we were not on the same page. Long story short, it was an ugly break-up. He left me for a girl I had suspected had feelings for him, and him for her.
Now, over three years into a new relationship I realize why I was so wrong. So wrong to feel like he was the one, like I was the person he wanted to spend his life with. I settled, to the point where I didn’t even realize it myself.
Now I try my best not to compare one relationship to another, but for learning purposes, I’ll break my rule this one time. Here is a list of things that Mr. Right has shown me is the true meaning of love, and what Mr. Wrong wasn’t man enough to do.
The best surprise I’ve ever received was from my current boyfriend. He took me to a local mall where his friend was head of security, so that I could meet him and check out some of the “forbidden” spots most people don’t get a chance to see.
When we got there, his friend convinced us to go up to the roof to “check out this awesome thing” he found. But when we got to the roof, there was a pizza picnic set up, blanket and all. My insides turned to mush to say the least and it was by far the best and sweetest surprise I’ve ever gotten.
Not only did it make me feel like I was more important to my current boyfriend than anyone else, but nobody had ever put that much effort and thought into anything for me.
Mr. Right refuses to let me open doors, car or other. When arriving home he greets me at the door, immediately takes everything from my hands, and even has a coffee ready for me (when he beats me home of course). Knowing he is there to help me even when I don’t need it means a lot. It’s one thing to help someone out when they ask, but another when it is completely out of kindness.
3. Bringing each other along to social events
Mr. Wrong and I kept very separate social lives from one another. He had his friends, and I had mine. We never comingled the groups or brought one another along to meet the other’s friends. For a while, I liked it. I could spend the night out with the girls and not have to worry about him feeling out of place. And he could go out with his friends and let me avoid the awkward introductions and the feeling of being left out.
But now my friends are his, and his mine. As much as I always felt before that keeping a separate social life was a good thing, I realize now how the latter is much better. We get to spend a lot more time together by bringing one another along everywhere we go and we never feel like the other’s friends take priority. Besides, sometimes I learn more about him from his friends than I do from him!
4. Knowing Each Others Families
Much like separate social lives, Mr. Wrong and I very rarely brought each other around our families. This is not to say I wouldn’t have loved to meet his family, but he didn’t care for me to meet them and didn’t care to meet mine. It may have been for selfish reasons that he kept me hidden; maybe he felt his family was too embarrassing. Whatever the reason, it made me feel like he wasn’t proud to be with me. Am I in the know now? Of course! Mr. Right introduced me to his family the first week we started dating. Heck, he brought me over for a pancake breakfast the second time I came over. Was it an intense and awkward blur of getting to know everyone and they me? Yes! Was it totally worth it to get a feel for what I may be a part of one day and showed off a little by Mr. Right? Definitely!
5. Having the Same Goals
I’m a 20-something year old. I’ve done the school thing, started my career and want a home and family to call my own. I mean, after you’ve concurred the whole education and job thing, what else is there to do next but start “your own” life? Now granted, Mr. Wrong and I were only teens but our goals were still miles apart. I was planning my education and career, he was working part-time at a movie theatre and well, that’s about it. It drove me nuts that he didn’t care to look to the future, or try to plan with me. It made me beyond doubtful and unhappy. If he couldn’t see me in his future, maybe I wasn’t in his plan at all. Maybe I was just Ms. Right Now.
When I bring up the same conversation now, I’m bombarded with feedback. Mr. Right not only knows where he wants to be in five years, but where he wants to be with me. Married, home of our own, and at least one bundle of joy. Looking so far ahead can sound scary to a 20-something. But knowing that he is planning a future with me is more exciting than anything. No matter what happens, I’ll be a part of his future, and to me, that’s what matters most.
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